The Cross as a Gift

When I come to Him because I know "He has the words of eternal life", that He is my way back to the Father, He forms the cross-life in me. He gives me the Words of eternal life and forms in my soul a cross and I fight it. I pitch a fit over it. I don't know that without a cross I don't have an empty tomb. No resurrection life. I don't find my life--I simply lose it. I lose it in the years that I've bowed down to a golden image with my face on the head. Crafted by my own hands. He loves me too much. Won't let it go. So, painfully for me, He leaves the words spoken. Promises I think mean one thing. My thing. And I'm wrong. I fight, I cry, I wrestle with God. I let go, but He hangs on. Hangs on until He can bless me. Until I'm ready. I don't understand this until much later. Years later. The cross as me shedding my own way. The plans that I conceived and wrangled, thinking He meant what I wanted.

I could never have imagined. My mind could not have conceived what He had planned. Me, thinking so small. He, wanting to do "more than I can ask or imagine". The cross that I carry daily is so that He can live the resurrection life through me. My soul knows this truth. Jesus, you lived this---". . .who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Heb. 12:2).

Peter, when I read about how the last days with Jesus on earth went, my heart aches for you. You-- ready for a rebellion. Usher in the kingdom. God calling down ten-thousand angels to fight--Old Testament style. You believed. Yet, you had no idea. I would have cursed and swore too that night (Mark 14:71). My heart would have broke. So wrong. Could you have even imagined what was in store for you three days later? I would have jumped outta that boat and nearly drowned flopping my way to the shore. I imagine you knocked the Savior half- over when you saw Him eating fish by the fire. He wanted to give you more than you could have ever dreamed. Different than your plans? I'd say. The cross is our way to the resurrection life. Yours and mine, Peter. . .yours and mine

Funny thing, I almost thought I heard Peter say, 'I got to see the stone the builders rejected, become the cornerstone'. . . (probably my imagination) but laugh if you will, I did echo back 'and it is marvelous in our eyes' (Matt 21:42)